Re-sensitising the lingam
Desensitisation—especially in the genitals—is so much more common than we realise, both in men and women. It can happen slowly, over time, often without us even noticing. And when it it can feel frustrating or a bit disheartening, but the good news is… it’s not permanent.
The body is wise, it remembers. And it can come back to life.
In fact, I truly believe that the journey of re-sensitising can be one of the most beautiful, empowering, and even healing paths to walk.
For many, it starts early—often in the way we first learn to self-pleasure. It becomes fast, tight, goal-driven and focused on climax. Maybe there’s a lot of visual stimulation, like porn. And over time, the body adapts, it starts to expect only that kind of intensity. It starts to need that intensity or more intensity just to feel anything at all.
The subtle sensations—the soft, spacious, sensual ones—get a bit lost. Everything becomes a bit numb, a bit mechanical.
And it’s not just physical, there’s a mental piece too... we live in a world of performance, scroling, pressure, and constant stimulation- our nervous systems are often running on overdrive. So it’s no wonder that it’s hard to slow down and really feel.
And this is where tantra comes in. Tantra invites us to come back to the body. Not through force, but through presence, through breath, softness and gentleness.
So if this resonates with you, here are a few ways to begin reconnecting.
1. Shift how you touch yourself
Let’s start with something simple: how you relate to your own touch.
If your habits have been fast and focused on release, the first step isn’t to stop—it’s just to shift. To slow it down and to make space for feeling, not just finishing.
You could try this:
Soften your grip, use fingers, palms, even the back of your hand.
Go slow, let arousal take its time.
Explore your whole body—not just your genitals: your belly, chest, thighs, perineum.
Use a natural oil like coconut or sweet almond—it helps feeling more sensations.
Let go of orgasm as the goal, instead, focus on sensation.
One practice I love to recommend is this: touch your genitals like you’re meeting them for the first time. With curiosity, with gentleness- like learning a language that speaks in sensation, not words.
And if you don’t feel much at first—that’s okay, it takes time.
2. Bring in breath, sound, and movement
These are the pillars of tantric work.
Breath brings attention and softness to parts that feel closed or numb.
Sound vibrates through the body, helping to release tension.
Movement keeps energy flowing—so things don’t get stuck or stagnant.
Let your breath be full and deep and let your exhale be soft. Let your hips gently move if that feels good. Even the smallest movement, when done with presence, can awaken something beautiful.
3. Give your nervous system a break
If your mind is always switched on, your body won’t be able to settle into deeper feeling. So give yourself moments—short ones, even—to unwind.
Some simple ways:
Sit outside with no phone and just be for a while.
Take a quiet walk without music.
Meditate or breathe for five minutes.
Lie down with a hand on your heart or belly and just feel.
Stillness helps the subtle come back.
4. Reclaim your erotic imagination
If porn has been part of your self pleasure moments, you may have trained your arousal to depend on visual stimulation. It’s important to gently reclaim your inner erotic world:
Use sensual memories, s*exual fantasies, or scenes from real connection.
Imagine how you want to feel—not just what you want to see.
Bring your awareness back into your body, not just your mind.
Your imagination is a beautiful tool and you can gently reshape it into something more nourishing.
5. Touch with reverence
Often, we touch ourselves from habit—or even frustration. But your body knows the difference between rushed, robotic touch and loving, intentional touch.
Before you begin, pause. Place your hands over your belly or your lingam and send yourself love.
Yes, it might feel strange at first. But this kind of attention builds trust—with yourself and with your body. Touch yourself the way you’d want to be touched by someone who truly cares.
6. Pay attention to subtle sensation
This is where re-sensitising really starts to take root.
Notice:
How your skin feels under your touch
The difference between cool and warm parts of your body
If emotions come up when you slow down
When your mind tries to rush—can you gently bring it back?
And if you feel impatient or disconnected, just pause and take a breath. You can always come back.
A few extra practices to explore:
Semen retention – Not as a rule, but as a way to increase awareness and energy.
Perineal massage – Gentle pressure near the base of the lingam can release tension.
Pelvic floor awareness – Learn how to relax these muscles, not just contract them.
And here’s a little story that inspired this blog:
A wonderful guest recently told me that he is on a journey of re-sensitising. And he tried something very simple that felt really nice: brushing the hair on his forearm slowly with his palm—just as a way to reconnect with sensation. He is now intentionally focusing on re-sensitising his body and lingam and he shared his plan with me. I am excited for his journey and I am curious to hear how it will unfold for him :) I find it truly inspiring when people take responsibility for their pleasure and start exploring new ways of relating to their bodies.
Re-sensitising the genitals isn’t about doing more—it’s about doing differently.
It’s not about intensity—it’s about intimacy with yourself. And it doesn’t happen overnight, the body learns very slowly, but with presence, patience, and care… your body will respond.
There is so much pleasure available in the subtle.
So much depth in slow and so much orgasmic energy that blossoms in relaxation and re-sensitisation.
Love,
Rosie x