The 5 love languages
If you haven’t heard about it, The 5 Love Languages is a great book by Gary Chapman.
The idea of the book is simple. Every person loves differently, and it’s helpful to know and speak your partner’s “love language” to increase communication and connection.
After taking the quiz, I realized that sometimes in my relationships (romantic, family or friendships) I was showing love in my own love language but neglecting to show others I loved them in the love language that creates the most impact for them. Knowing the love languages of my loved ones has made a huge difference in my relationships, and knowing my own has helped me navigate romantic and platonic relationships as well.
What Is A Love Language?
Love languages summarize the way we as human beings express and understand love.
As with anything else, everyone approaches love and relationships differently. To truly, effectively show your love to your partner, it’s important to translate that love into your partner’s language so that they may better understand your message.
Gary Chapman breaks love down into five distinct categories or languages.
These languages are:
Physical touch
Quality time
Receiving gifts
Words of affirmation
Acts of service
Each of these encompasses a distinct way of showing and receiving love. Some people fit mostly into one category, but many people have a love language that mixes two or more of these categories. For example, my love language is physical touch followed closely by words of affirmations. Is not surprising I work as a tantric massage therapist.
I’ll explain more in-depth about each one below, but if you’d like to take the quiz, click here: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-languaget
Words of affirmation
People with words of affirmation as a love language value verbal acknowledgments of affection, including frequent "I love you' s," compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, and often frequent digital communication like texting and social media engagement.
Quality time
People whose love language is quality time feel the most adored when their partner/friend/family member actively wants to spend time with them. They particularly love when active listening, eye contact, and full presence are prioritised in the relationship. This love language is all about giving your undivided attention to that one special person, without the distraction of television, phone screens, or any other outside interference.
Acts of services
If your love language is acts of service, you value when your partner/friend/family member goes out of their way to make your life easier. It's things like bringing you soup when you're sick, making your coffee for you in the morning, or picking up your dry cleaning for you when you've had a busy day at work.
This love language is for people who believe that actions speak louder than words. Unlike those who prefer to hear how much they're cared for, people on this list like to be shown how they're appreciated.
Gifts
Gifts is a pretty straightforward love language: You feel loved when people give you "visual symbols of love," as Chapman calls it. It's not about the value, but the meaning. People with this style recognize and value the gift-giving process: the careful reflection, the deliberate choosing of the object to represent the relationship, and the emotional benefits from receiving the present.
People whose love language is receiving gifts enjoy being gifted something that is both physical and meaningful. The key is to give meaningful things that matter to them and reflect their values.
Physical touch
People with physical touch as their love language feel loved when they receive physical signs of affection, including kissing, holding hands, a tantric massage, cuddling on the couch, hugs. Physical intimacy and touch can be an incredibly powerful emotional connector for people with this love language. The roots go back to our childhood, some people only felt deep affection and love from their parents when they were held, kissed, or touched. They value the feeling of warmth and comfort that comes with physical touch.
Why Is This Important?
So often, we feel frustrated when we feel that our needs aren’t being met, especially in relationships. We may feel like our partner doesn’t love us, while in actuality, they are simply expressing their love in a way that does not resonate with us. After learning about the love languages, I realized that in past relationships my partners and my parents were showing me they loved me through thoughtful gifts and wanting to spend time together. But because my love language is primarily physical touch, some times I was not seeing or understanding their affection.
When we learn our closed ones love language, we can more easily spot their attempts at affection. When they learn ours, they can replace their current methods with ones that will more effectively get the message across.
What are your love languages? If physical touch is one of them, I invite you to experience the world of tantric massage.
Love,
Rosie