What does ''Tantric'' really mean?

I have been thinking a lot these past few days about the word tantric and what it actually means.

For many years, I thought I understood it. I read books about tantra, went on retreats and courses, met tantra teachers and experienced tantric massages myself. And yet, after all these years exploring it, I honestly want to say something that perhaps sounds surprising:

I am no longer sure I fully understand what tantra is.

In fact, the more I tried to understand it intellectually, the more confusing it sometimes became.

More recently, I came across a tantra teacher who explained tantra in a very different way from how it is often presented today. Reading her posts made something land differently inside me. It made me pause and reflect much more deeply on my own understanding and on my relationship with this tradition. She trained with a tantra guru for many years and has lineage in this tradition.

I already knew some of these ideas intellectually, but hearing them explained at this time in my life touched something deeper in me.

According to her, traditional tantra is an ancient spiritual path that people followed, and still follow, with great discipline and devotion in order to reach awakening and liberation from the egoic mind. It is a profound spiritual tradition that includes practices, rituals, meditation, discipline, study, devotion and a complete way of relating to life. And according to this understanding, it actually had very little to do with sexuality in the way most people think about tantra today.

I want to say that I have deep respect for this tradition and for people who genuinely devote themselves to any spiritual path with sincerity. I think it takes enormous discipline, courage, commitment and a deep longing for truth and spiritual growth. Whether somebody follows traditional tantra, Buddhism, monastic life or another sincere spiritual path, I respect the dedication that kind of journey asks from a human being.

She explained that other branches developed over time: neo tantra, modern tantra, conscious sexuality, sacred sexuality, tantric massage, all carrying pieces of the word while often meaning very different things. And this made me realise how much confusion exists around tantra, especially for people who are new to it.

For some, tantra means spirituality. For others, sexuality. For others, healing, breathwork, intimacy, energy work or erotic massage. And honestly, I understand why people become confused because the same word is often used to describe completely different experiences.

I also started reflecting on my own connection to tantra and realised that perhaps understanding something through books, podcasts, courses, workshops or occasional practices is very different from truly living and embodying something in a real way.

If I am honest with myself, I am not interested at this moment in my life in following rigorous spiritual practices, finding a guru or dedicating years of my energy toward achieving something I do not fully understand. I also personally have not met anyone who made me feel they had reached some constant state of enlightenment through spiritual practices. Maybe those people exist, I simply have not met them, and perhaps that is not even what I am searching for anyway.

And perhaps this is where my understanding started changing. Less through theories, spiritual concepts or practices, and more through direct human experience. Through sitting with real people, touching real bodies, witnessing vulnerability, emotional release, relaxation, tenderness and connection unfold naturally in front of me.

This made me reflect much more honestly on my own work.

What exactly am I offering in my sessions?

What do I actually believe in?

What feels true in my direct experience rather than in theory?

I think many people hear the word tantra and immediately associate it with sex. Others imagine spirituality, rituals, mystical experiences or something exotic and mysterious. But from my own experience, what people are often truly longing for is much simpler and much more human.

They want to slow down, to feel safe in their body, to feel accepted, cared for and connected.

They want relief from the pressure, tension and noise they carry every day.

They want to feel pleasure in a way that is not performance or goal orientated.

They want to feel free and accepted in their pleasure, without shame or judgment.

So where does tantric massage fit into all of this?

Some people describe tantric massage as a way of merging the body with the divine. Others speak about energy, expanded states of consciousness or spiritual awakening.

And I do believe that through deep relaxation, touch, slowness and presence, people can sometimes enter a very quiet and profound place inside themselves.

I witnessed this happen many times.

I saw people experience stillness of the mind, emotional release, calmness, connection and moments that felt bigger than words. Interestingly, these experiences often happened with people who had no spiritual background, no spiritual practice, no expectations and no particular beliefs around tantra at all.

And perhaps this is what made it feel real to me.

Because those moments were not forced and they were not planned. Nobody was trying to achieve enlightenment or have a spiritual experience.

Something simply unfolded naturally when the body relaxed deeply enough and the mind became quiet enough.

I think this is also where I started questioning the goals and expectations sometimes attached to tantric massage.

If presence is the point, why does there sometimes seem to be so much focus on achieving something, even spiritually?

And then there is the intertwining of tantric massage with eros, sensuality and pleasure. In many people’s understanding, tantric massage and erotic massage became almost interchangeable. And honestly, I understand why. Sensuality and erotic energy can absolutely exist inside these experiences. Pleasure can exist too, intimacy can exist too. The experience becomes very different when pleasure is allowed rather than chased. When there is slowness instead of performance, presence instead of pressure, feeling instead of trying to get somewhere.

The more I reflected on all of this, the more I realised that I am no longer sure if the word tantric is even the most accurate word for what I offer.

It is a popular word and it gives people an idea of what they may experience. At the same time, it also carries many projections, misconceptions and expectations that do not fully reflect my own understanding or intention.

Perhaps what I offer is much simpler and much more human than all these definitions and maybe I need another word entirely.

A word that describes a space where somebody feels deeply relaxed, received and cared for.

A space where there is nothing they need to achieve, prove or become in order to belong in that exact moment.

A space where the nervous system naturally softens without techniques, pressure or effort.

A space where somebody can feel grounded and floating at the same time.

A space with intimacy, boundaries, consent, warmth and human connection.

A space where touch becomes a language.

A space where the mind quiets down for a little while and the body finally feels safe enough to breathe fully again.

A place where you feel comfortable to be in your pleasure, with your pleasure in the presence of another human being.

And perhaps this is the part that matters most to me now.

For me, it is no longer about whether the experience perfectly fits a spiritual definition or whether it is “real tantra” according to one school or another.

What matters to me is how people feel during and after the session.

Do they feel calmer, more connected to themselves, more relaxed, more alive in their body, more accepted, more deeply seen?

Because more and more, I feel that what people are truly searching for underneath all the labels is not a spiritual identity or an impressive concept.

They are searching for peaceful moments, for softness, for care, for connection and for a place where they can stop holding everything so tightly for a little while.

And perhaps what matters most is not finding the perfect definition, but creating spaces where people can soften, breathe, feel and reconnect with themselves.

Love,

Rosie x