''When Fingers Entwined''

'' Despite how tense I was on approaching and entering your apartment, you made me feel so very welcome from the start with your enchanting smile and the warmth and kindness that surrounds you like an aura. Your beautiful cat kept letting me know your apartment was a safe place to be, and it was.

Before our appointment I had already spent weeks of personal preparation trying to correct years of neglect for my health due to lack of interest from anyone. I could write so much from my notes which I started putting down immediately after our session so as to never forget anything. Each part of the short time I was with you could be a small chapter of its own. But I’ll mainly concentrate on the one I could call The Cuddles…

The cuddle therapy was all I imagined it would be and much more. It was slow, close and very caring. The simple things I never thought of made it all the more special, like being supported by you and conversely feeling the weight of another persons body. Your movement around me, the rise and fall of your breathing and soft voice and breath right next to me. The memories linger like the indulgent taste of dark chocolate and I hope will never fade.

I never thought so much could come from something as innocent as two hands meeting. Those few minutes were like nothing else on earth so, although I am no poet, I wrote a poem about just that:

When Fingers Entwined

With eyes closed, fingers find each other,

my mind's eye imagining the unfolding,

a brief glimpse of sight reveals the play,

a graceful dance of digits,

connecting two minds together.

With caressing loops, no care for pace,

endless turn-taking without a word,

with tingling touch on tender palms,

then fingers slowly interlinking,

search for their perfect place.

A squeeze of the hands to know all is well,

that the little game has come to an end,

and for now at least I can feel complete,

holding the memory of that little while —

the story only fingers could tell.

And so days later, with the passage of time,

I dwell on the playful game of affection,

simple, pure and loving touches,

when hands met and fingers entwined,

both hers and mine.

Over a week later and I am still mentally unpacking some things, including the massage, which must have been for about an hour. I actually think I experienced “lost time” as I cannot clearly remember some parts of it or all that time passing. I can only explain it by at times being transported to somewhere else, somewhere deeply relaxing and magical without my conscious thoughts getting in the way.

I have regrets, but they are only from my own failings with conversational skills and lack of grace, and I do wish I had let myself be a bit more present at times. But after all these years and as a first visit maybe this is all to be expected, at least for me, and something I can work on. I also probably wish we’d had time to talk about it a bit more before I left.

It was without doubt the most significant (and daring) personal-care choice I have ever decided to do and those few hours were magical in every way. I was partly there with you to improve myself, which I know it has started to do, and you were so kind in your acceptance of me. Even down to the most delicious glass of lemon water I think I ever tasted, you did make it all very special, and I truly deeply thank you for that!

I’ll just finish with a quote from the end of a music video which is adapted from the film Metropolis: “Without the heart. There can be no understanding between the hand and the mind.” I think that is so true in this context, and your heart is very wonderful to be in the presence of and to be touched by.

David x ''

* I received this beautiful email after a session and it moved me to see how much meaning a few moments of tenderness could hold and how lovingly my guest had preserved them in his memory. Those moments are painted in mine, too.

Shared with his kind permission.

Love,

Rosie x