Boundaries- saying 'yes' to you

A true boundary is not a punishment.

It doesn't trap you inside,

and it doesn't mean

you must close your heart

to the other.

It's not a NO to their existence,

but a YES to you.

To your voice. Your delicate heart. Your truth.

You can't control their feelings.

But you can honour your own.

You can't change their thoughts.

That is certain. 

But you can trust and allow your own.

From a place of deep acceptance,

from total alignment with the way things are,

grounded in love,

rooted in the undulating breath,

you find yourself bravely saying NO.

And such a NO has the power of life in it,

since it emanates from

a deep YES to existence.

It contains no violence, only truth,

dignity, self-respect, clarity.

You have a right to your NO

and a right to your YES.

True boundaries do not block love,

they protect it,

allow it to flourish, freely, safely,

in the deeper YES

of unbounded presence.

- Jeff Foster-

Learning to say ‘yes’ to things we want and ‘no’ to things we don’t want

Many of us struggle to know what we do or do not want, and how to express it. Part of tantric bodywork therapy is helping my guests to become more connected to and more aware of what’s happening in their minds and bodies, and to honour what’s true for them.

For example, this may be learning to ask for what they want, or to say ‘no’ to something which they do not want to experience. These are both important aspects of learning to feel safe inside one’s body. Professional therapists will not only respect a ‘no’, but thank clients for looking after themselves by expressing it. Some of my guests find it difficult to say ‘no’, and part of this work is helping them to become comfortable in being able to express it.

A few years ago I went on a tantra course and one of the first workshops we did was about setting boundaries. We took turns playing roles and learning to say no to things that were asked from us. We went through different scenarios- workplace situations, relationships or friendships and we learned that sometimes a No can be a complete sentence.  An explanation is not always necessary.

Consent and boundary work also involves learning to receive a ‘no’. At first, this often brings up feelings of inadequacy, rejection or having done ‘something wrong’. However, with time, it is possible to learn that a ‘no’ is a real gift from another person. This is because being able to receive a genuine ‘no’ means that when the person expresses a ‘yes’, it is easy to trust that it is genuine, too.

Thank you for respecting my boundaries during the tantric massage, this makes me feel safe and respected during the massage, which enables me to enter into a state of flow and presence and this way to offer you the best possible experience.

NO uttered from the deepest conviction

is better than a YES merely uttered to please,

or worse, to avoid trouble."

- Gandhi

Love

Rosie