'I experienced deep physical closeness for the first time'

My dear guest sent me this email after our first session.

I’m very grateful he trusted me with his experience and gave me permission to post it and maybe others might recognise something of themselves in his words.

Ive been doing abit of journaling and just writing down stuff after our session and thought you may like to read as you say on your website it might be abit messy and incorrect in places its just thoughts and things ive been processing and getting out of my head as I process such a big first for me X

I had my first in-person sensual/tantric session with Rosie. This was my first time ever being physically close, naked, and touched by another person or woman in an intimate and safe way after a life of trauma, neglect and survival mode. She made me feel safe almost instantly with her relaxing environment calming voice and her friendly cat who came to me and let me pet her this helped me with so much of my anxiety.

During the session, I experienced Deep physical closeness for the first time (hugging, chest to chest contact, holding hands, being held) Gentle full-body touch, including intimate touch A strong sense of safety, calm, and acceptance And Emotional / physical relaxation I’ve never felt before

At the start, I was very nervous and in my head. When the more intimate touch began, I felt disconnected abit and struggled to fully feel it properly at first. As the session went on, I relaxed more, became present in my body, and started to respond naturally without even meaning to (movement, sounds, enjoyment)

 It felt like my entire nervous system was on fire in a good way, tingles from head to foot and just a deep warm pleasure moving through my body im just abit sad i was abit lost in my head during alot of the intimate touch but ive never even held hands before so it was a big jump from 0 - 100.

i wish to spend some more time in that area on a next session and slower now those first time nerves are gone and ill probably be able to feel so much more. The most impactful part of the experience was not just the physical touch, but the closeness Being held and holding her back Feeling her breathing her chest and stomach rising against my chest and stomach with her breathing its the first time ive truly never felt alone, hearing her sounds, her presence on my chest and back, and her stroking my head and neck after alot of neglect this nurturing almost mothering touch almost made me cry but tears didnt show i just felt safe and not judged while being vulnerable and trembling for the first time ever infront of someone. 

After the session at home, Ive felt A strong emotional response (including crying) A sense of bonding/connection to the experience and to her within that safe space she created, A noticeable “drop” when returning to being alone again And a mix of calm, warmth, and sadness knowing the experience was just temporary.

This experience has Lowered my fear of being physically close to a woman Given me confidence that I can handle intimacy and vulnerability Made me realise how much Ive missed and value human connection, touch, and closeness Made me want a real, mutual relationship in the future where that feeling is consistent and outside a professiona container.

Ive basically went my entire 27 years of life neglected and emotionally/physically starved of care and in just 90 minutes with her i felt emotionally fullfilled. I dont even have words to describe her the only words that come to mind are shes a deeply caring sensual godess 

This experience represents a major personal shift in how I view intimacy, connection, and what I want in life such as dating, building a mutual connection with a woman and getting this kind of care and being able to give it back equally in a loving relationship with someone some day.

I have tried dating and things in the past but whenever it got too real and I knew physical things would happen id freeze ghost and eventually stopped trying all together but after the session with rosie that fear of ill have to be physical and intimate if im with a woman its not really there anymore as my body has experienced it.

Im not saying im fully healed just that it just feels less scary now after this experience and I think it will help me alot moving forward.  Another thing I want to say and be truly honest about is i felt abit frustrated about the intimate touch part mainly about myself not the session because when that touch first started my brain just went oh too much im hiding and I just felt very disconnected and dissociated for a good chunk of that part I didnt fully feel it. I know these sessions a climax isnt a goal or forced and tbh my body afterwards felt better than any solo climax ive ever had. But I did kind of want to experience being that vulnerable with someone and being cared for after the peak not dropped back into loneliness.

Because I have abit shame around masturbation like I only use it to feel good for a moment and I usually always feel worse and more lonely after the peak. I wanted to experience not being alone in that moment but my body was just abit lost during this part and thats ok I genuinely felt so emotionally full, safe and cared for that climax wasn't even a thought during the session. 

Scott X

(Thank you for your trust, Scott.)